Saturday, March 17, 2012
From my Spiritual Journal
June 18, 1999
Yesterday morning, I listened to part of a sermon. I missed most of it because I was turning channels to get the weather report when I stumbled across a Pastor just ending his sermon. I regret that I missed the beginning of it, for I know it would have been wonderful. I know this because his last sentence was "I've been forgiven much because God loves me so much."
Those words went straight to my heart, reminding me of the life I'd once lived; the person I was before asking Jesus to be the Lord of my life. The river rose in my eyes as I recalled how overwhelmed I'd been, how full of joy, when I finally understood that somebody not only loved me just as I was, but could and would, save me from myself; from all my self-destructive habits, from my low self-esteem, from my loneliness, my fears, my doubts and unkind acts; my disrespectful mouth, and from the hatred and resentfulness I carried towards all those who had hurt me so badly; those who robbed me of my childhood, my innocence, my joy, my hope- my very life.
I sat quietly, after hearing that last sentence, thinking of the kind of life I'd be living had it not been for Christ. How do you feel when reading the words"I'm forgiven much because God loves me so much?" Can you imagine your life now- without Him at the core of it? Imagine, for a moment, the most difficult, the most painful experience you've dealt with? What if there were no Christ to lift us up, to renew our hope, our faith, strength and courage? What if, when we prayed, we discovered we'd done it for nothing?
Remember when we first fell in love with the Lord? We wanted to spend every waking minute with him; reading what he said and learning the (why's) behind His words. It was impossible for us to be still; we just had to speak about him, had to share with anybody who would listen to us. Is it still that way? Do our hearts yet burn for him? Do we still allow everything else to wait just so we can spend a little bit more time with Him? Does he go to the table with us- like at first? Does he sit with us as we watch television? Is he beside us during the day, or does he only hear our voice when a crisis arises?